Marry you - Glee.

In secondary school, my mama told us “when the boys say hello, you say hi and you walk away!”. While at the university, she told us “the guys will come and when they do, you choose wisely and focus on your studies”. After my bachelor's it became “YOU HAVE TO GO OUT MORE!!!...May the Lord bless you with a perfect spouse, Amen!”.

I love my mama but she is funny! Not the clown kinda funny, but funny. She is the woman who tries to be funkier by the year but her rules and laws often leave me confused. She isn’t rushing me into marriage; it’s more like she is trying to stamp the idea into my head. I think she is probably scared that the entire world and my father are making me too much of independent woman.

I am not against her rules neither do I think I am too good for marriage. It’s just that the world (more like Africa, especially Nigeria) is finally accepting feminism so it’s still strange to me why some are so anxious to join the wedding trends. There were those times after my undergraduate studies when I heard some were married or getting married and I pondered why - I didn’t and still don’t understand the quest to be married.

I love the idea of being in love but that doesn’t come quite often for me, the truth is it hardly does. The last time I think I was in love (more like a crush) was in secondary school....long story, but some days I think I am still in love with him - I am probably just comfortable using him as my hypothetical lover.

Gone are the days when I thought I would be married by my 25^th. I am not against marriage neither am I so pro-marriage too. The thing is, I feel like I haven’t lived yet, my definition of life isn’t about joining the sky high club or owning a collection of male boxers, no. I am not just ready at the moment. Marriage just seems like an imprisonment and divorce can never be an option.

Some days though, I envy those with companions and crave that too. But I am not going to be the spoilt, sulking wife. I want to be able to understand and be ready to fight for myself,  my husband and children!

It isn’t rocket science that when you marry an African man, especially a Nigerian, your life will never be the same. As Nigerians, once you marry your spouse, you marry his/her entire family - It’s a passage through fire, you either come out refined like steel or destroyed like paper.

Mehn! Some stories I hear of marriage make me grateful for my youth and sometimes, my lack of knowledge, which brings me back to what this is all about, why are the youths rushing into marriage?

I am not for the live-the-married-life-before-the-wedding, but halt a little and think of what you are getting into, and the person you are getting into it with. When time and parents rush you, or when people advise you to settle for less, God isn’t! “I know what I'm doing. I have it all planned out—plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for” (Jeremiah 29:11).

So, people will probably be eager to state that my ideology will definitely change in some years and IT MIGHT but here and now, I am waiting…

Hi,

Yes I know its Bruno Mars’ song, but I prefer Glee’s cover.

"Don’t let my failed marriage discourage you from marriage." - My friend’s mum.

Warmest regards,

Juanita.