Made This Way - Lady Gaga

I had some cousins over last year while they were visiting Nigeria and fortunately or unfortunately, I was decked up in my NYSC (National Youth Service Corps) khaki/ensemble/wear on my way for the weekly CD (Community Development) at the local government. My brash ten-year-old female cousin asked why I had such an ugly outfit on. So feeling like the cool older cousin, I decided to explain what NYSC was all about to the three of them. Still basking in the euphoria of coolness after explaining, I got asked how old I was!

You see, it’s a universally known fact that a lady isn’t asked her age neither does she tell. But I underestimated those little ones and spilled the age which I so guard......and they laughed! My 'akata' cousins who probably think Bruno Mars will be the next president and Nicki Minaj his vice, expressed how wrong it was that I was still living with my parents.

I am a babysitter by day, baker by order and a daughter every single second of my life. This means I get to play the role of driver, cook, cleaner, gateman, and errand ‘geh’ quite frequently. I don’t know how I do it but, I still get to be the couch potato.

My social life, as I have loudly hinted is probably suited in the Victorian era, but what can this Jesus loving child who still lives with her parents do?! It sucks living in Nigeria but I am living the Nigerian dream (take that you blood sucking FAROUKERS!).

You are probably saying “cry me a river” or “suck it up and get a life” and incase English isn’t your thing “kini gbogbo nonsense” or "yimu" but truthfully, there really isn’t a lot of sucking up to do. We have been screwed over by every undereducated politician who has ever been given an opportunity to act smart just because he gave out bags of rice, books and t-shirts with his picture on them.

So, I am proud to say I am quite the 21^st century economical Nigerian as well. I mean, why watch a movie on Thursday when you can get a wonderful ticket deal with refreshments at about 50% discount on Monday?

My name is Juanita (hwah-nee-tah) - I am a 25 years old Lagos ‘geh’ and I've never been kissed.....